I’ve been cleaning up my desk, and my desktop computer (after having a bit of grief with needing to update it to get it responsive again – had 3+ weeks of not being able to restart it, but now it’s fully functional again). I checked on what was sitting on my external hard drive, and discovered this post, written in 2017, during Passover, which has just passed, under the strange circumstances of Covid-19. It was an interesting reminder of a different time, but also an unsettled one for me…

This past two weeks has been a crazy whirlwind of too much to do, and not enough time for anything, and disorganization and upheaval.  Moving house is the pits, and I have never liked it. Now, I’m in my new place, but faced with the challenge of organizing, and finding a place for everything – made a little more difficult by the fact that I have moved from a huge apartment to a more modestly sized one, and I need to get a lot more organized.  Less closet space, although more kitchen space, and a bigger room for the boys.  And, the all-important two bathrooms!!

In addition to the turmoil of the move, this week is Passover, and the past two nights were the Seders to attend.  Thank goodness I didn’t go crazy and try to host one (the thought did cross my mind – typically unrealistic of me).  I was hosted at a new friend’s home from my new synagogue home, Beth Am, the first night, and hosted by an old friend from the old synagogue home, Tikvat Israel, the second night.  Interesting contrasts between the two nights.  

The first was very musical – as in Broadway musicals!!  Our hosts are incredibly creative, and had written up interpretations of the old standards like Dayeinu.  I know that one of the songs we did used the Battle Hymn of the Republic melody, and another was to a song from Hamilton!  Frozen was represented, also.  The kids were very involved (although, sadly, J would not do the Four Questions, even though I know he knows them).

The second was more traditional.  We’ve been hosted by this family before, and she commented that now, after three years at her seder, I had to come back every year.  One guest commented, at the beginning of the seder, that the exercise of the evening is one of over-analysis!  We were discussing the idea that the Hagaddah says that this year we are slaves, and next year we will be free – but how does that work, since we said the same last year, and here were are again, identifying as slaves.  It gets one into a very circular discussion!

But, one of the things that I do find amazing about Judaism, and have probably remarked on here before, is the process of re-exploration of these rituals and traditions that leads every year, as one revisits the cyclical passage of the “same” holidays, new insights pour forth, informed by the year that preceded, and the life events that have brought us to this particular moment.  I know that for some, the repetition is uninspiring.  I get it.  I’m not trying to convince anyone.  (another huge positive point for Judaism – not a proselytizing religion).

So, we are now counting the Omer.

Last year was the first time that I managed to count the Omer all the way through to Shavuot, inspired by the Omer Project that I was part of planning and executing last year at Tikvat Israel.  So far, so good – I counted the first day, because it is part of the second night seder!  We’ll see how far I get this year.  This first week will be an extra challenge as we are now travelling to Portland, OR to visit with my sister’s family, and my mother.  The boys are thrilled to spend time with their cousins, and I am happy to be taking some time off with them all.  This is the second real vacation I’m taking, in the space of a little over a year – the first was my trip at Thanksgiving to England to visit my daughter and her husband – amazing to take 12 days off!  This trip will be shorter.  With a day of flying at either end, we only really have four days to visit with them, but better than nothing.  I’m not sure exactly how to work out food while we’re there.  First stop when we have the rental car will need to be to find some fruit and veg, and maybe some yogurt, or humus, or peanut butter to eat with our matzah!  (I’ve got a box packed to start us off – will likely need to buy at least one more box).  Boys are dying for matzah pizza, which I will have to make for them, probably at my sister’s place.  Not sure if our hotel will have a microwave (which would certainly be helpful).

So, we’re winging it.  Kind of typical for me.  I might have made my life a little easier if I had not taken most of the day on Monday to take the boys to the zoo – I ended up literally throwing clothes quickly into my suitcase this morning before racing to the airport, because my alarm didn’t go off (I must have skipped the “Save” step with setting the alarm last night in my weariness after the second seder, and driving home from Rockville).  It’s always a big challenge for me to pack ahead of time.  We’ll make do.

This post is rambling, which reflects how I’m feeling right now.  Distracted, unsettled, in anticipation, uncertain.  Possibly, the very best frame of mind to be in during Passover, and open to new interpretations, and new possibilities.

Chag Pesach Sameach!  Happy Passover!  And, in a few days (or weeks, if you’re Orthodox), Happy Easter!  Another celebration of transformation and emergence.

That last line now has a new connotation, in our Covid-19 experience of cocooning in our homes. We all look forward to emerging from this strange existence – one which is strangely stagnant. Learning to live in isolation, and connecting to our friends and family via phone and internet, rather than in person. My circle is now very small…my kids who go back and forth from my home to their dad’s, and, so, by extension, my ex. We have been hosting one another for both the Seders of Passover, and the past 5 shabbat evenings for dinner. So far, none of us are symptomatic, and as long as that doesn’t change, we’ll keep up this strange routine. But it’s hard on the kids. Online school is no replacement, and they aren’t able to interact normally with their friends. No sports, and it’s hard to push them out of the house (or even out of their rooms) to get any exercise.

So, looking forward, to an undetermined time when we will reemerge – I hope we will have learned by then to be kinder to one another, more forgiving of each other’s faults and limitations, and more grateful for the blessing of connection.

Shabbat Shalom.