I don’t know about you, but my inbox is just overflowing with requests for donations…there are always a lot, but the past week has been an exercise in daily purging of requests for donations. Given that I am buying a house, and have several trips planned, including a trip in June with my boys to Israel with my synagogue, I really don’t have anything to spare, but I did give one donation to JCADA (please consider them, if you still want to hand out some cash – they do great work).

I am enough of my mother’s daughter to want to give to everyone, but, fortunately, I am sensible enough to know that that’s not possible.  I know that I need to balance my checkbook, and I need to avoid getting into debt.  I’m taking on a mortgage, and I’m alone, responsible for myself, and ideally, hope to set myself up so that I will be able to leave something to my kids.

In my 20s and 30s, I remember having to consciously learn how to say “No” to requests – something that was always hard for me.  It’s much easier now.  I am now very thoughtful about the times that I say “Yes”.  It’s not automatic.

I was very recently asked if I would participate in leading a Rosh Hodesh program at my Baltimore synagogue, Beth Am.  Without a second thought, I enthusiastically say “Yes”.  Why did I say “Yes” without hesitation?  Well, to be honest, I can’t really say.  Rosh Hodesh (which means New Moon) is a celebration in Judaism that has traditionally been reserved for women, and I do love both the idea of a ritual that is linked with a lunar cycle that is so tied to the physical world, and also a commemoration that is focussed on women – I always feel that I don’t do as well with women as with men, although, that seems to be improving as I age – I used to feel that I just didn’t “get” other women.  I don’t do makeup, and I’m not big on fashion either.  I do have an interest in my hair, since it’s just such a pain (those of you who know me IRL know that my curls are crazy!).  I never felt comfortable with the kind of chat that women do, but in recent years (like the past decade) I’ve felt a yearning to hang with women more.

This post is turning into a total ramble, which may be appropriate to the ending of a year (or, at least, my kind of year).  I loath New Year’s resolutions – I refuse to make them, and I am not huge fan of New Year’s celebrations.  I was thinking of going out to hear a friend’s band perform tonight, but it is just too cold out there for me to go out again.  I’m inclined to stay in, especially since I have some decent food in the fridge, and movies are readily available, and I really do need to finish work, and tidy up my apartment.

So, we’ll see if I end up going out.

But, whatever I do, I’m done with giving donations for 2017, so I would really appreciate if the robots would stop sending me auto-emails soliciting money from me.  But, they won’t.  I know that. And I appreciate the need.  I just have to say “No”.

Happy New Year!  May 2018 bring us all better news, and better days.